iheartJesus’s posterous

truth

I found some empty liquor bottles buried in the trash 2 weeks ago. My heart raced and I felt so afraid but no matter how hard I try I can't deny the fact that my husband is an alcoholic any longer.
There I said it. I am not even sure why I feel a sense of shame about it, but I do.
 
The week went by and I didn't mention the empty bottles. Our trash pick up is Monday, so the following week I dug through the trash again after he left for work and pulled out more empty bottles. This time I lined them up on the laundry room counter and took a picture. Proof? Not really sure why, but I now have 3 pictures of liquor bottles in various places in my laundry room so I can prove they were different times. But who am I ever going to show them to, and why do I think I need proof? I am not going to leave him over this, I believe that God will bring me through this, and thankfully he is not abusive. Well not physically, but he sure can get mean and until I found the bottles I could not figure out why he could be so mean at times, when he is basically a really sweet guy.
 Well... a selfish, deceitful, antisocial, non motivated really sweet guy who apparently spends a lot of money on drinking that I didn't even know about.
 
Although there was that one time that I called 911 and hid in some bushes outside because he was so roaring drunk and I afraid he would hit me. (Wow that sounds really bad when you actually type it out!)
 
And that phone call at 4 am from the police station to come bail him out for drunk driving. He actually said he was not drunk driving because his car broke down on the side of the road and the police pulled over to help and ended up arresting him. BUT technically he wasn't driving, right? To this day he won't admit it. I did not go pick him up, I left him there and he had to call his sister. No way was I bailing him out when I had been telling him to not drink and drive for years. I lost a lot of respect for him when that happened, and still haven't gotten it all back. But it is funny because that was an answer to prayer, I prayed that God would stop him from drinking and driving so no one would get killed, and after the DUI he did stop.
 
Then the court ordered AA meetings he would go to every Sunday, never failing to pick up beer on the way home.
 
But it was always "just beer", 90% water(yes he says that), just a beverage and I can quit anytime, honey. Somehow the hard stuff kicks it up a notch and makes it a lot scarier than "just beer".
 
 
I am trying so hard to trust God through this and to do the right thing but right now I don't know what the right thing is.